I’m delighted to be writing the first of my regular contributions to Life Seeker. I’m a 47 year old divorced mother of three, ex Head of History, ex Weightwatchers Leader and Wellbeing Coach. I’ve had my coaching business, Empower Wellbeing for just over 2 years and I’m fully passionate about  encouraging and inspiring clients to be more confident in their ability to improve their Wellbeing.

I can help you access that seemingly elusive happiness, contentment and warm fuzzy feeling by including a few tips and strategies you may wish to adopt.

So to all of you out there who are around a certain age, pulled in all directions by work and family, very often the generation in the middle – between kids who don’t appreciate you and elderly parents who all want a bit of you – hop on board for a little food for thought.

My 7 point Empower Programme focuses on the key issues of; Energy, Motivation, Physical Activity, Optimism, Wellbeing, Emotional Intelligence and Resilience and over the next several months I’ll be addressing one in each issue.

This month we look at ENERGY – are you aware of where you are spending, saving or wasting it?

ENERGY is a finite resource. In order to live a full, happy and contented life and in order to achieve that elusive sense of wellbeing, we must think very carefully where we spend, save and waste our precious commodity.

Surround yourself with the right people

After listening to Kelly Jones of Stereophonics fame speaking this week as a guest on the ‘High Performance’ podcast, it reinforced how important it is to surround ourselves with people who are on the same page and want the same things for us as we want for ourselves, especially when we’re talking of pursuing career ambitions.

During the interview, Kelly spoke of the humble beginnings of the band, how their stage/tour crew were initially made up of friends and family, and how the journey to the big time meant that essentially, the band had to employ a more professional crew as performing massive gigs became reality. The lack of experience amongst their friend and family was holding them back.

He talks of the fallout when the Stereophonics were accused of selling out and forgetting their roots, when essentially, they just wanted to maximise the potential of the band – to satisfy their ambitions. It wasn’t about the failings of their family and friends, they just needed a more professional road crew to achieve the goals they had.

I wonder how many of us invest a lot of energy in relationships/partnerships/projects which no longer work for us?

The example of the Stereophonics illustrates how we can sometimes get caught up using a lot of energy maintaining and nurturing what I like to call ‘legacy relationships’ – they used to work for us, but for one reason or another are no longer practical, or even good for us.

Choose your most effective relationships

Whilst I’m not advocating dumping those people who are no longer within our inner circle, serve a purpose, or bring anything to our table, I think there is a very strong case for reflection. When pursuing new careers/stages of our lives, it’s vital to consider the amount of energy we are spending on all the relationships in our lives.

Are we constantly giving?

Do we feel supported?

And importantly, and most tellingly, are they happy for us?

And the reverse is also true – Are you happy for them?

Do you WANT to support them?

Are your fundamental values still aligned?

In all the workshops I’ve held recently since launching Empower over 2 years ago (ranging from one to ones, an audience of professional health care workers, university lecturers, a full class of wellbeing clients or full time mums), they all had those relationships in their lives which were sucking the life out of them, and felt one sided.

Change is a natural part of life

As we move through life it is perfectly natural for us to change – for our goalposts to move, when what was important to us in the past, ceases to matter. A change in family dynamics/new job/bereavement/relationship breakdown…we go through experiences which can adjust and challenge our fundamental values. It is therefore perfectly natural for the people around us to change too, however difficult and painful that might be.

From a personal point of view and to support this point, when I was a full time married professional, with two small children in creche, a massive mortgage, huge debt, but surrounded with people in exactly the same boat I never thought twice about my values, about what was important to me, about the fact that the life I was leading was a choice.

When a shock redundancy and the completely unexpected end to a 15 year career happened, the relationships and people I spent energy on changed, simply because my life changed beyond recognition. That’s not to say I’ve not been incredibly fortunate to have some amazing friendships which are just as strong, if not stronger than they were 30 years ago, but I think you become more discerning when you have other demands on your energy.

What about you?

Ask yourself – are the people you surround yourself with happy for your happiness, and sad for your sadness. Do you feel they have your back? Do they want you to succeed and do well?

There is no substitute for great friendships which can make you feel cared for and grounded, but think of your energy. Are you wasting it maintaining, propping up and working on relationships which you wouldn’t miss if they end?

In the end, research suggests we are the product of the people we surround ourselves with – choose wisely, save that energy for those people who deserve it.

Energy is Part 1 of Empower’s 7 Point Wellbeing Programme.

To find out more visit the Empower Wellbeing website or contact Joanne Juliff – joanne@empowerhealthandwellbeing.co.uk