[…] “When I embarked on my spiritual journey, I had no idea what was ahead of me. If I had known, I probably would have thought I was not able to do it all. But I did not, so I dove in. Wholeheartedly. And as always when on a quest, you have to deal with the storms that cross your path, in order for you to reach your destination. These storms are often referred to as blocks or limiting beliefs. I prefer weeds.
When I started out on my journey, I would think of myself to be standing in the middle of a field full of weeds. I could not see the size of the field, nor how rooted the weeds were. All I could see were weeds. So all I could do to embark on my journey was pulling them. I found some weeds were very small and fluffy and easy to pull. They were actually quite fun, for I could see results immediately and without too much effort.
But sooner rather than later, I had to go down on my knees and get my hands dirty. As the easy once were gone, the more tough ones needed to come out. Some I could clear on pure willpower, but the majority required help.
So I started to call people in to coach me and teach me the skills I needed to get the work done. And slowly but surely, I cleared my field and my path unfolded itself.
It was not until I had cleared the majority of weeds and I was able to see my path clearly, that I noticed the massive tall and dense wall of weeds all around the outer border of my field. I was 5,5 years into my journey and was close to exhaustion…
Really?! After all that time, money and energy I invested in clearing my path, now THIS shows up? How in the world am I going to deal with this?”
It was the moment I packed my suitcase and left behind everything that gave me a sense of security. Was I brave to face this wall? Sure. Many thought it was very courageous of me to take such a leap of faith and live as a nomad. And yes, I had known very clear this was the way forward for me. But I also sensed it to be flight. Again. Because I had felt trapped. Again. I had not fitted in the system. Again.
Was this struggle ever going to end? Was I ever going to find peace? And be free at the same time? Yes, I was. But it took me another 1,5 years to get there. 1,5 years of digging all the way around the edges of my field, unearthing every square inch of root, only to end up where I started: the middle. It was then that I stopped digging, looked up to the wall and realised… it was never about the weeds or the wall, it was always about the roots.
After all those years of digging, I was so used to diving deep that I forgot to zoom out every once in awhile. Now that I stopped digging and actually looked around, I could see all the unearthed roots leading into one major one.
One rock-solid root belief that rooted all others: I do not belong here.
Digging deeper was useless. This root stretched itself into the darkness of Mother Earth and far beyond time and space into another realm. And that is when it hit me: The only place that NEVER let me down and ALWAYS made me feel welcome were the Lands of my inner planes. The worlds of other dimensions and realms beyond time and space. I used to only travel there during meditations but as my field of weeds had cleared up, the worlds of the seen and unseen had been blending together quickly. This root-belief originated in another realm and could therefore only be “cleared” in another realm, too. What had happened in church 20 years ago had been the trigger to activate my life’s purpose. It had caused me to lose faith in God and with that any divine authority and unseen dimensions. It had caused me to lose faith in the realm I felt so much at home, in the unseen Land I rooted from.
I needed to fully restore my faith in these unseen worlds and believe and accept that my roots were on the other side. That I was not FROM this world, but I did come to be IN this world. Only then was I to find peace, be at home on Earth and actually find the place I had set off to find at the beginning of my journey. […]
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This is a snippet from the first chapter of my book “I Do Not Belong Here: The Humble Lessons Of A Highly Conscious Woman In An Extremely Unconscious World”.
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You can download your copy of the first chapter for FREE on www.yourwildwisdom.com
Guest Author: Nicole Olsthoorn